Purely Personal

My dear blogging friends,

Today's post is completely personal.  I am crying as I write it, so be forewarned.

I am an introvert and a very private person.  I have debated whether or not to write a post this week telling you what is going on with me.  But kept deciding "no". Then my dear, wonderful friend Fran sent me an email checking up on me.  (Thank you Fran!)  That made me realize, I should let you into my life.  I love Bloggyland and the many friends I have made out here!  Plus, Kristin told me that I can write about personal stuff whenever I want.  Right, Kristin?  So I am going to let you into my life and also let you know why my posts are now so rare and why there may not be any for awhile.

This past week has been my Spring break.  I had all sorts of plans including sleeping in, creating amazing teaching plans, reorganizing my classroom, cleaning my house, working in the yard ... nothing super exciting, but all things we put off.  However, on Monday my dad's heart took a turn for the worse.  Since then he has had two emergency room visits and a few nights in the hospital.  He is now home in his assisted living apartment.  (In my opinion, the hospital sent him home way too soon!)  I have spent most of this week with my dad.  It was not what I had planned, but to have this week off has been such a blessing.  Only a group of zealous teachers would understand that this meant I did not have to create sub plans or worry about details at school.  Instead, I could focus on my dad.  I have spent most of the day with him and then my sister spends the nights.

I am stunned by the sudden change in my dad.  Since Monday he has been going downhill.  He had a stroke in November and had been recovering beautifully from it.  In December, my sister and I moved him from Oregon to California so that he would be closer to us.  It has been a rich, amazing time.  Thirty years ago my dad (and mom) moved up to Oregon.  Even though I visited there at least twice a year, it is not the same as having him close by.  I feel like my dad has now become an integral part of my life.  We were always close, but now we are even closer.  That makes it even harder to watch my dad lose strength each day.  He is scheduled for an angiogram and maybe and angioplasty in the next few weeks.  But I just don't know if he will be strong enough to go through either procedure.  My dad is accepting all of this with beautiful grace.  My dad told me that when my husband died suddenly, he started praying that God would give him a year so that I wouldn't lose both my husband and my dad in the same year.  Every time I think of that I cry.  Who could ask for a sweeter father?!?  I lost my husband a year and a half ago, so God has answered my dad's prayer.  Of course, I don't want to ever lose my father!  Part of my struggle in dealing with my dad's issues is the fact that my husband always did such a great job holding my hand (and my heart) during tough times.  My sister is awesome, but it is not the same.

So, if you are still reading and are so inclined, your prayers would be most appreciated.  I do not know how to ask you to pray.  Sometimes I look at my dad and think how hard all of this is for him now and that he is ready to go to Heaven.  But really, I do want him here with me.  So pray as God leads you.

Love to all,
Camille

P.S.  I really do mean "love to all".  I cannot believe how close I feel to so many teachers that I have mostly never met!